Don't Quit...

I am having a hard time shutting my brain off. I think it is for a lot of different reasons: lack of success in finding a job, being on my own and knowing I more then likely won’t see my SO until June…and, Chester.

I really am very, very worried about him. I don’t know what made me think of it, but I remembered a poem someone told me about…almost a year ago to the day – when we were going through ‘Operation: Pickle Rehabilitation’. I am not one for all that holistic mumbo jumbo, think positive and at will happen bs – don’t get me wrong, if that is your thing, all the power to you – but this one just sort of stuck with me:

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow--

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,

It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

                                            – Author Unknown

There is a lot in there that really speaks to me: When the funds are low and the debts are high; You want to smile, but you have to sigh; You may succeed with another blow; the silver tint of the clouds of doubt; So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—it’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

I have spent a lot of time over the past several months trying to sort out, what I could have possibly done to piss someone off enough, for ALL this to be going on. All. At. Once. They say Karma is a powerful thing. Do I believe in Karma? I’m not sure. I would like to be a believer, but when it comes to what is happening right now, currently in my life…it makes it difficult for me.  When it comes to what is going on in MY life, I can deal with that…okay, sometimes not in the best way, but, I am after all human.

What I have a really, really, REALLY hard time with, is seeing Chester going through this. That, is NOT fair. He has done absolutely nothing to deserve what is going on with him.  He has done absolutely nothing but try his guts out for me since the day I met him.  He has done absolutely nothing but trust me with everything…even when he wasn’t sure about it himself.  He has done nothing but love me, unconditionally. He is the smartest, quirkiest, most loveable horse I know…and it breaks my heart to see him not be 100%.

He was the baby no one wanted.  He was ‘too gangly legged and narrow chested to ever amount to anything’.  He has, proved to everyone that he has amounted to something.  Forget that, he has amounted to my everything.  Last summer, when he finished his first event, it was our biggest accomplishment and one of the happiest days of my life – even though I was in tears as we came through the flags.  I believe in him. Since the day I met him, I have believed in him.  I always have and I always will.  It isn’t about winning, ribbons or qualifying for provincials.  It is about him deserving to continue doing what he loves doing.  And, there is absolutely nothing I want more right now, then for him to be okay.

I'm not giving up on you yet horse...

Embarcadero is defined as: to set out on a journey that is sometimes trying or difficult.  Someone joked to me a year ago that “you should have named him Easy Street”… Huh, wouldn’t that have made my life easier.