Thursday, April 14, 2011

Don't Quit...

I am having a hard time shutting my brain off. I think it is for a lot of different reasons: lack of success in finding a job, being on my own and knowing I more then likely won’t see my SO until June…and, Chester.

I really am very, very worried about him. I don’t know what made me think of it, but I remembered a poem someone told me about…almost a year ago to the day – when we were going through ‘Operation: Pickle Rehabilitation’. I am not one for all that holistic mumbo jumbo, think positive and at will happen bs – don’t get me wrong, if that is your thing, all the power to you – but this one just sort of stuck with me:

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

                                            – Author Unknown

There is a lot in there that really speaks to me: When the funds are low and the debts are high; You want to smile, but you have to sigh; You may succeed with another blow; the silver tint of the clouds of doubt; So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—it’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

I have spent a lot of time over the past several months trying to sort out, what I could have possibly done to piss someone off enough, for ALL this to be going on. All. At. Once. They say Karma is a powerful thing. Do I believe in Karma? I’m not sure. I would like to be a believer, but when it comes to what is happening right now, currently in my life…it makes it difficult for me.  When it comes to what is going on in MY life, I can deal with that…okay, sometimes not in the best way, but, I am after all human.

What I have a really, really, REALLY hard time with, is seeing Chester going through this. That, is NOT fair. He has done absolutely nothing to deserve what is going on with him.  He has done absolutely nothing but try his guts out for me since the day I met him.  He has done absolutely nothing but trust me with everything…even when he wasn’t sure about it himself.  He has done nothing but love me, unconditionally. He is the smartest, quirkiest, most loveable horse I know…and it breaks my heart to see him not be 100%.

He was the baby no one wanted.  He was ‘too gangly legged and narrow chested to ever amount to anything’.  He has, proved to everyone that he has amounted to something.  Forget that, he has amounted to my everything.  Last summer, when he finished his first event, it was our biggest accomplishment and one of the happiest days of my life – even though I was in tears as we came through the flags.  I believe in him. Since the day I met him, I have believed in him.  I always have and I always will.  It isn’t about winning, ribbons or qualifying for provincials.  It is about him deserving to continue doing what he loves doing.  And, there is absolutely nothing I want more right now, then for him to be okay.
I'm not giving up on you yet horse...
Embarcadero is defined as: to set out on a journey that is sometimes trying or difficult.  Someone joked to me a year ago that “you should have named him Easy Street”… Huh, wouldn’t that have made my life easier.


  1. I don't really know what to say except that you're doing the best you can, and Chester isn't expecting more. That's the beauty of horses, they aren't expecting, they aren't pressuring or judging. They just ARE. I wish we humans could learn that from them. Chester doesn't blame you for anything, he knows that you love him and that you're trying to do everything you can to make him feel better.

    Sometimes having horses means a bad strike of luck, vet bills and no real answers. But then eventually things get better and when your horse is happy, that's all that matters.

  2. Angelina - thank you.
    I know I am doing everything I can and I am pretty sure Chester knows that too. It is just hard for me to see him this way - I am sure you know what I mean. And, THAT is what I think sucks...because he doesn't deserve it! There is nothing I enjoy more, then seeing him happy!!
    'Sometimes having horses menas a bad strike of luck, vet bills and no real answers'. You said it sister!

  3. Well, people do call me cynical, but here's how I see it, given that I'm feeling some similar things these days. There are no reasons. Shit just happens. What defines who we are and what we do is how we deal with it and how we move forward.

    It's human nature to WANT a reason why, so we search for explanations. And the brain is able to do some amazing tricks to make completely illogical things seem logical. But at the end of the day, IMO, it is what it is and we have to just do the best we can with it.

    Ok, maybe that's not helpful, but I have found that it has kept me from tying myself in knots asking why, when I realized there is no why, there just is.

    I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. Horses are definitely lessons in heartbreak and crushed plans. But you are sooooo not alone!

  4. ev79 - Shit Happens. That sucks. You're right.
    Until we know for sure what is wrong with him - if that is even possible - then I am going to attempt to not think about it. I'm convincing myself right now that Chester will just be on an extended vacation in a field with his friends. Which won't be so bad for him.
    lol - what you said IS is also easier said then done eh?
    Horses are lessons in everything about us as humans and in the end, they make you better for it.
    That's just it too - I know I am not alone and somewhere in Iowa right now, there is someone going through the exact same thing.

  5. Along the lines of easier said then done, some of the best advice I've ever been given is if you can't change it, why worry about it - it is what it is. As Eventer79 said shit happens. Try to stay positive and know that there are lots of us thinking happy thoughts for you and Chester. Something good will come of this because of karma. All fingers and extremities crossed for the two of you.

    - Sarah

  6. Thanks Sarah!!
    You bring up a good point...See, that is my problem: I do worry about him because I don't want him to be in any sort of discomfort you know? I think you can give me that!
    But - I have a great vet, great BO, great Boss, great support system in general and between all of us, we will get him sorted out...just once we actually figure out 'what' it is that needs sorting!
    All my extremities are crossed too...I get funny looks when I'm walking down the street...ha.

  7. Oh no, I didn't mean it like that at all! I would be freaking out and repeating the "you have no control over it so quit worrying about it" mantra over and over and over again in my head with little effect. :) I'm totally with you on the not wanting my horse to be in pain - he certainly never did anything to deserve it. To be perfectly honest, you seem a lot more rational then I would be. And by karma, I simply meant that while I don't know you in person (obviously!), you seem like a very caring individual and it seems to me you are due some good luck! All the best to you and Chester!

    - Sarah

    PS Really looking forward to your Rolex blog!!!!

  8. lol - I get what you were saying!!! It is hard in general for me NOT to worry about him right?
    AMEN SISTER - I am absolutely due some good luck!!!
    PS - I can not WAIT to blog about Rolex...It is super top secret at the moment, BUT - I get to do some pretty amazingly cool stuff....!!!