Never Ever Quit...

Kelly has her times for Tiki's debut at Grandview tomorrow: D 8:25 SJ 10:42 xc 11:40. IF I can wake my ass up in enough time, I will make the 2.5 hour drive there...
Kelly - CHIN-UP AND KICK ON!!
Kellz stopped in last night to see the Pickle and myself...it was so good to see her, I miss her a lot! She's going to come out on Monday evening and watch us in the ring to make sure he is moving okay and not coming up short. Speaking of the 'Ring'...we rode in it last night!! :-) No circles, walk trot only, just over trot poles and across the diagonal, but it was great to be in there again. He was a star as he usually is and I think he enjoyed actually having to 'think' about what he is doing. He knows he isn't allowed to be a tourist in the ring and he felt very good. We had a couple of giraffe moments, but I chalk that up to him being hesitant to use himself because he doesn't want to hurt. Once I was able to convince him that it wasn't going to hurt, he felt smooth, floaty, and very light in his bridle...which was such such such a wonderful feeling to have again. I miss my horse. Today and Sunday, we will be back on the trails...he'll get tomorrow off.
So I came across a poem as a result of a friend's facebook status which sums up our situation perfectly...please enjoy.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow --

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,

It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out --

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It many be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the flight when you're hardest hit --

IT'S WHEN THINGS SEEM WORST THAT YOU MUST NOT QUIT.

I can think of almost every aspect of my life where this poem is applicable. Sums it up perfectly for me right now. I will not give up and I am definitely NOT going to quit on Chester...

The Countdown that SHOULD have been...

Well, this was supposed to be the week of 'firsts'. Chester's first event. Chester's first FULL day spa treatment. Chester's first final preparations. Chester's first experience as Sippin' On Sunshine. Chester's first opportunity to show the non believers exactly how talented he is....The Countdown should have begun yesterday....rather, my countdown now counts the days until the blistering ends and DVM extraordinaire comes back out to reassess...for anyone who is keeping track, we're at T-13 days. Chester and I have been spending all our time on the trails, to the point where I am starting to think that Chester thinks he has become a trail horse. (Isn't that going to be a bad surprise when he figures out he ain't.)

This is the Hill where we have been spending the majority of our time:

We go up, around and down 3 times right now and tonight will be the first time we attempt 4 (depending on the weather, it is super HAAT and humid here today)....now, the hill itself takes about 60 seconds to get all the way up...it is a gradual incline and pretty 'easy' in terms of cardio. What I am hoping to do by the weekend is go up, down and around, all at a trot 2 times...right now, we walk down. Also need to add in some longer straight trot sets, which will start tonight. This horse, is such a tourist. I am finding there is a very fine line with him when it comes to keeping my reins long enough so he is paying attention to me and short enough that he doesn't get pissed and start shaking his head. I use these hacks to really connect with Chester and honestly, to work on my position...heels down, shoulders back, looking UP and WHERE I WANT TO GO...staying balanced in 2 point...I try to do most, if not ALL the trot work in 2 point. Helps TONS with my balance and it keeps me off his back. I find myself holding mane (I'm not embarassed to say it!!) to help balance me a little bit - AND it helps for any of the sudden side steps that he is so fond of doing. My other hand, is usually on his neck, patting and telling him he is a good boy. He likes to snort a lot and I think he is feeling pretty good. I am hoping to get the all clear to go into the ring on the weekend and do some grid work over trot poles...

Last night, we were setting out on our jaunt and came across some of the workers the family farm hires - SIDEBAR - the barn where Chester is living, is part of a farming family. The fields that we hack around are their fields and like every farming family, they hire additional resources as needed during key parts of the year. So - last night as we are coming up the middle of 2 hay fields, there is a truck and about 5 or 6 people working out in one of the fields...like 200 yards away. Well, you would think it was the second coming and the people were 5 headed monsters who eat horses. Imagine my surprise when we are happily trotting along, then all of a sudden, Chester sees said monsters, plants his feet, throws his head STRAIGHT up into the air like the giraffe he thinks he is, snorts, jumps 12 feet to one side, spins and tries to hightail it back to the barn. Repeat x3. Now, I have absolutely how I am going to get this chicken shit of a horse around a cross country course. The advise I have gotten includes: big spurs, big crop, ride very forward, and a neck strap. Holy smokes, he is going to get a beating the next time he tries something like that.

His back is a million times better - thanks to the horse strength robaxacet - AND a dressage saddle that actually seems to fit him much better - which happens to be a Stubben, which happens to be pretty comfortable. The much dreaded blistering has finally made the scurf appear, which means the blistering is happening as it should. It took about 4 'blisterings' with the dish soap for it to become visible. So, now it is once every 3 days that the dish soap is to be applied. He friggin HATES it, but as long as he can munch on grass while it is being scrubbed in there, he seems to tolerate it. It is almost as though he knows it will do him some good.

If is it one thing I am not, it is patient. Chester's rehabilitation is a good exercise for me in patience. If it takes him 6 more days, 6 weeks, 6 months or a full year for him to be better, then that is what he gets. I'll listen to him (and my Vet) and what he (they) say, goes.

Saturday - was supposed to be Chester's big debut...but rather then his debut, he will get the day off and I will assume my role as groom for Kelly and her amazing horses. The other 'young gun', Tiki will be making his debut and I KNOW Chester will be cheering him on from his field and wishing he was right there with him!!

Just Do It...

I am somewhat inspired today because of an article I read at http://www.eventingnation.com/ (the best eventing blog in the Universe) called "Just Do It".
The past couple weeks, have not been easy. At all. And I have constantly been asking myself a lot of hard questions: Is it my fault Chester is hurt? Should I have known his stifles were out? Is he ever going to be able to event? What should I have done differently? The hardest though has been, Why? WHY did this have to happen to Chester, right when he was on top of the World?
What also makes this hard for me, is the people who I would come to expect the most support from, don't really get why I am so upset. I get a lot of "Carrie, he is just a horse" from the majority of the people in my family...well, there is an old expression that goes "People who say it is just a horse, just don't understand". My significant other has unfortunately been on the short end of this stick and he can't understand why I have been upset for the past 3 weeks. So, I have given up trying to talk to him about anything Chester related. It is a total Catch 22 for me: I talk about it with him, he doesn't really seem interested, and throws out 'he's just a horse', so I get annoyed that he reacts that way. I don't talk about it with him, he sees that I am upset and feels like I am taking it out on him....ugh.... how am I supposed to win in this situation?
When stifles are involved, it can be pretty iffy...it is actually very very scary to me to think that I might not ever be able to event him, or have him be more then just a pleasure horse. THAT upsets me more then anything else...why? Because Chester DESERVES more then any other horse, to be great, to be a Champion...because no one ever thought he could.
The prognosis for Chester's recovery is good...as long as I follow my DVM extraordinaire's rehab plan to a 'T'...which I, of course, plan on doing. If we can hit Canterdown on August 15, I will be on cloud nine. If we can't hit Canterdown August 15, well, there is always 2011. One thing I am NOT is patient. This entire situation, this entire scenario, this entire rehabilitation program, this horse's entire future, is dependent on me being patient. I am learning patience through sheer determination that Chester will get better if he is allowed enough time to properly heal.
In the above mentioned article, the author talks a lot about quitting the bitching and just doing what you need to do to get it done. For example: "I was whining about something the other day to a friend of mine (as in I have been whining about Chester and thinking it is my fault), and he looked at me and said calmly (vet looking at me and saying calmly) 'It would appear as though we have lost the ability to get out there and just do it (what is done is done, get over it, make him better and make it happen)." This comment spoke volumes to me.
What has happened, has happened...and there is nothing I can do about that. What I CAN do, is give Chester every single opportunity to get over it, get better and get back down to business. As the author of the above article said: "Maybe it is time for us in our sport to start accepting responsibility for the outcome and just do it.
Okay Chester - Let's JUST DO IT.

Operation: Pickle Rehabilitation

So - here is the deal with Chester's rehabilitation.

It is a matter of what came first, the chicken or the egg. In this case DVM believes the injury to his hind end and not being ridden regularly caused the tendons to loosen through his stifle joints, thereby causing his knee cap to shift. There are two large ligaments crossing in the centre of his stifle joint. They form an X inside the joint by attaching to the femur and tibia. When he kicks out his hind legs, it is because that weak joint has becoming locked.

~ A weak stifle is basically caused from a general lack of muscle tone to the hind limbs. So the lack of riding (because of the original injury to his butt), caused the muscle tone to basically disappear (weakness), which has lead to his current state of weakened stifles.
~ Why are his hips and back sore...? Because they are over compensating for for his stiles being weak. Everything is connected back there and he is protecting himself from feeling uncomfortable, which is causing him to tighten everything up...amazing how it all works isn't it?

I am to administer the following: External Blistering for 3 weeks. I have shaved a square of hair over the stifles, so the skin is now exposed. The active ingredients in dish soap, yes dish soap, will absorb into the ligament through the skin, 'blistering' it ans causing it to to tighten and stay in place on the joints. Said blistering is NOT very fun. (I have only done one treatment on Sunday, and yesterday, I could barely touch it without him kicking out...poor dude.) It is a scurf and from what DVM has said, is a great tool for healing when used properly. Chester though, doesn't like it, AT ALL....and he is going to try and take my head off every time I touch it.
He has been prescribed the horse version of robaxacet and is getting 22ccs/day for the next 7 days which will help relax the muscles through his back and butt...
THEN DVM will come back, reassess and determine if we need to do an internal blistering. Which she doesn't think we will have to do....fingers crossed. The internal blistering is an iodine and almond oil (I think) solution which would be injected directly into the joint to cause scar tissue to form which will hold everything in place.
She told me to think about it this way: He went from not being in a program, to working 5 or 6 days a week, his body changed and developed as did his muscles and he was growing into himself...(She said he looks amazing, all things considering.)...then all of a sudden, he gets hurt and the level of fitness isn't able to be maintained. That is a HUGE change to his body, almost a shock she said. So, he tenses up to further protect himself, the ligaments loosen and it is a vicious circle with no end.
The most important thing now, is maintaining (well rebuilding) a high level of fitness to compensate for the the joints instability, WHILE THE BLISTERING IS GOING ON. Which, is going to be painful for him, but it must be done...basically it is like a rehabilitation program that an athlete suffering from a knee injury would endure. Once the blistering period is done, the newly strengthened muscles and ligaments SHOULD hold the tendons in place. If not, and DVM is not happy with the result, then we will move to the internal blistering....yeesh.
I should be working up to 45 - 60 minutes of walking/trotting over the next 3 weeks while the blistering is going on. I should be doing hill work, and anything else that encourages the use of his hind end while being ridden: grid work with trot poles, etc. For the next 10 days, I am to ride the trails only. Movement is good, standing still, he gets sore...so, we also are keeping him outside 24/7 to see how he does with that...last night was his first night outside, so when I get there this evening, I will speak with Jen (barn manager) to see how that went...I am sure he loved it.
Then, if all goes according to plan, I can start to ask for more collection, do some dressage figures and jumping...BUT - I'm not going to do that until I have have go ahead.
Phew - poor dude - but he is on the mends...

He was fun to ride last night- he feels FINE...it took me 10 minutes to keep him from jigging and actually walking like a normal horse. The hill will be gone up twice today with the trot for 1/2 of one of the climbs....he does enjoy that part...
Let me tell you - this blistering, is going to be super hard to endure. He absolutely HATES it and there aren't even any 'blisters' yet. I am to 'blister' every other day and then every 3 days once the blisters show up. I am assuming today will be a little easier to 'touch' then yesterday, but I actually have to apply said dish soap today...so I will have to be on my toes to avoid getting a square one to the chops. It is so hard seeing him react like that, BUT, I know we have to get through it.
19 more days to go....

Thanks!!

What is amazing to me, is the fact I am getting emails from people I don't even know, who for whatever reason, ended up following this blog.

To ALL of you - THANK YOU SO MUCH and I am completely taken aback by the support from people that I have never met. I did get a GREAT email from Aaron's mom on the weekend:
"I had the time to read the update, and like your dad said, it is a set back that can have other positive results. He certainly knows all the right things to say and he is spot on! So, everyone will have to wait a little longer for the two of you to show them what a fantastic duo you are when you kick their uppity asses" - LOL, she is GREAT!!

I also got an email from my mom, whose tone was a little different, but basically saying the same thing. "Don't beat yourself up, he will be fine, move on from it."

I am just in the midst of typing up his prognosis/treatment and will have that up shortly.

Thanks again everyone - it is truly amazing to know there are people out there who are following Chester and I!!

Chin-up & Kick-on

Very Bittersweet...

My Father continues to be and always WILL be my pillar of strength not only when it comes to riding, but my life in general:

"Very Bittersweet, but PLEASE don't beat yourself up ---you have YEARS to make this all better, and it's not as if he is lame or you have to get rid of him or anything. This is a TEMPORARY setback --- not a permanent one.

Your personality is always 110%, so now this is a good object lesson for you about temporary setbacks. Your job is to take the setback and use it to your and Chester's advantage, which you can do because you are 200% smart!"

Love,
Dad

I can't wait to have him there the day I ride out of the box at Chester's first one*...

Not Good News...

There is a time and a place for everything. Chester's time and place is not right now. What I am about to write is going to be extremely difficult and it just rips me to pieces on the inside. Unfortunately, I am sharing bad news, when I should be excited about xc schooling on Saturday, Grandview on May 29th, the rest of the summer and Bromont 2011...
Chester's injury is one that is going to make him stay on the Injured List for the majority, if not all of the summer. We (the Boss, my vet and I) made that decision last night. The Pickle is simply still sore and needs more time to fully heal...annnnnnd there it goes 'poof'...just like that: the hard work, dedication, frustrations, achievements, goals, gone. Instantly.
There is still soreness through his hips. There is still soreness in his back. The most difficult thing for me to comprehend is why. Why did this have to happen? Why is he still hurting? What did I do wrong? Where did I fail him?
I can ride him, there is absolutely zero lameness to him at all...walk, trot or canter...however, when I ask for engagement, for him to really use his butt, he stiffens through his back and gets tense. I feel it instantly. Jumping, isn't even an option. We tried last night and he simply plowed through a tiny cavaletti.
It just isn't fair. This horse has been labeled "the horse who will never jump or event", the horse "who nobody wanted"...and we were so so so ready to tell everyone to shove it. He was so ready to go out there and show all those super expensive 'made' horses that he can kick their asses. He was confident, happy, healthy and FIT. He was loving his work. He was gaining the confidence DAILY which you need to be GOOD. He trusted me, had faith in me as his pilot, even if he wasn't 100% sure about it himself. We were a team and there was nothing that was about to get in our way. And we were so so ready...7 weeks ago. It isn't fair.
Underneath it all, I am mad. Mad that I should have taken him out of where he was sooner and then maybe he wouldn't have gotten hurt. Mad that I didn't speak up more often when I asked for his paddock to be changed. Mad that they just didn't CARE to listen to me.
So - we wait for Chester to be better. I don't know how long that is going to take. You know what I do know though? I know that my horse is special, he was a diamond in the rough. I will not do anything that will make him NOT love his job. I will not go to an event unless he is with me 110%. I want him to be happy, confident and most importantly ENJOY what he is doing. I read something once that in a nutshell said: In this sport, the highs are high and the lows are so very low. I can't agree more with that comment.
I am crushed inside that my horse isn't feeling 100%, that he is the one who deserves to be recognized and take the credit for the amount of distance we have come since October and I can't prove it to anyone. He tries his guts out to make me happy and it isn't fair that I don't get to show that off to anyone.
To try and be positive about it, this setback means we will just have more time to prepare. More time to bond, more time to get every single small detail perfected. More time to get every single point out of our dressage test. More time to trust each other on xc. More time to fine tune SJ so no rail ever falls.
Chester needs time to heal. Physically and Mentally...and you know what, so do I. The past 2 months have been hard for me. I was as high as high could be and then as low as low could be. Overnight. That's hard. VERY hard. Emotionally I have been a wreck. Partly because I blame myself, partly because I know Chester is hurting.
I AM looking forward to the summer. To seeing the kids at the barn all do well and get better each time they ride. I am looking forward to playing the role of Groom for Kelly, who I am so so so excitied for as she takes her AMAZING horses through the levels. I am looking forward to having Joyce in my corner. Always. I am looking forward to everything that lies ahead for Chester...even if that means we are on hold for a year.
And I am going to do everything I can to make sure that he gets whatever it is he needs to ensure that. Whether it be this August or next May, he WILL make his mark and shut up all the people who ever told him that he "couldn't".